I think I might come back. I haven’t posted on here in so long, but I still sometimes find myself thinking in “blog speech” as I’m reconstructing something funny that just happened or silently reviewing an app to myself. I never intended to wander off for so long, but once I left I wasn’t sure how to come back without feeling like the first entry needed to be some kind of big reintroduction, super duper whammy blog post. That’s a lot of pressure and I just don’t see myself as a big whammy kinda gal. Plus, I’ve been plenty busy without adding something new to the mix. It’s not that I’m less busy now, but I am less scheduled and have more opportunity to fit in some writing. Also, I’ve missed it some, and have been surprised by some of the people that mentioned they wished I’d start writing again. That’s nice.
So, my first post-sabbatical blog post- I’ve always been intrigued by the concept of “quieting one’s mind,” and have wondered if the people who can do that have emptier heads, fewer voices, talk slower, or take drugs. Like all these spools, I feel like I have so many things spinning in my head at all times, that I have absolutely no idea how to make my mind be still. The other day I was exhausted and tried to take a nap. I did the thing where you’re supposed to start at your toes and consciously relax them before moving to your feet and then theoretically on up your body, resulting in a completely relaxed (and asleep) person. I tried this for 30 minutes. I never made it above my ankles. I kept having to restart after finding my mind completely NOT focusing on relaxing but instead planning something, solving world problems, or wondering about if I was allowed to move and scratch my left calf.
I just don’t believe I’m meant to be that person. I think no matter what I will always be a person with too many things pulling my attention. My hope is that I can pull at least some of those things together into one place. That’s what I’ll probably think about the next time I’m quieting my mind.