Chernobyl …the meltdown at my house

One of my favorite stories of my son, Spencer, is from when he was in kindergarten and picked out a heart-shaped Care Bear lunch box for school. I remember asking him if he would be okay with it if someone gave him a bad time about it and I loved his reply. He said, “that’s okay; I’ll just tell them they don’t have to like it, but I do.” I remember at the time praying that he would always be that comfortable with himself.

I want that for me. I want to be secure enough in myself to put it out there and not have it matter if someone clicks “like” on the Facebook page or leaves a comment or not.

I want to be that example to my children, for them to have that kind of confidence. I don’t want them to be arrogant or self-absorbed, but I want them to know that their worth is not determined by those around them. I believe that for myself and about myself, but I have been assaulted by self-doubt in this process and I don’t want to be that person.

Therefore, I will no longer be glued to the stats on my blog. While they give me boosts of self-esteem when they are going up, whenever the number of visits in a day flattens or, God forbid, drops, my confidence in my writing and the value of what I’m doing does the same.

So, to those of you who click the “like” or tweet or whatever buttons or leave me comments, thank you. To the rest of you, it’s okay. I know you still are reading and still like me. And, even if you don’t, you are not responsible for me being okay with me. I am.

I like what I’m doing and I like me. I’ll be okay.

So… starting now, I’m ignoring my stats and just writing for me. Thanks for bearing with me during my melt down.

21 thoughts on “Chernobyl …the meltdown at my house

    • It was surprising to me how much I got wrapped up in that. Even as I type this, I see the little richter scale type graphics at the top of my page and am fighting the urge to just click on it “real quick” and see my numbers. But, I won’t.

      Thanks for the positive feedback!

  1. You are so totally whom I like…always. And it’s okay to be up or down with the stats. That’s how performance is tracked. But performance isn’t what love is about, is it?

  2. That is a great place to launch from as you find your own voice in the blogosphere. Authenticity will take you farther than popularity, and you’ll still like what you see in the mirror at the end of the day. I am enjoying your posts and am glad to connect and offer encouragement–we all need that. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks for the encouragement. I do appreciate it! I think I’ve been authentic all the way along, but that’s part of what’s been scary to me- I’ve been authentic and then waiting to see what people think. Now, I’ve decided that if I’m authentic and I like who I am, then it’s good. Thanks for your support!

  3. You’re doing something that pleases you. That was Spencer’s wisdom. He doesn’t always get approval, but he knows pretty darn well who he is. Moms are often checking everyone else’s pulse and forget they have one too. You’re finding your pulse and it’s strong!

    • Spencer’s a pretty wise little guy. I often feel like I learn so much about who I want to be by watching my boys. Thanks for always reading and always making me feel good about me.

  4. That’s a cute story about your little boy. I know how it is with the stats. I like to look sometimes too. Mainly I like to see what people searched for that ended them up at my blog. I love it too when someone clicks that like button. It lets me know I’m not totally sucking. Of course I don’t really care and if there was a “you suck” button it would probably get clicked a few times too…. but that just means those people were reading the wrong page. I enjoy writing what’s going on in my life even if it doesn’t matter to other people because later on I can look back and marvel at all the things I would have forgotten – those little things that mattered enough to me to write them down. If there was a “you rock” button on this post I would click it cause you do you know.

  5. On my list – YOU are the star! Maybe those of us who are really enjoying your blog are just waiting for the right moment to respond. I don’t know how many people would want to have their mother-in-law post something, but I just couldn’t resist today. Remember Abe Lincoln only won by one vote and look how famous he became! Love you and please keep writing. You are a very entertaining and witty author plus you giver others pause to think.

  6. I’m more than happy to have my mother-in-law leave a comment! Plus, you’re in one of The Motherhood Manual excerpts (remember being on the phone with me during a mothering “highlight?”).
    Thanks for the words of encouragement.

  7. Wow! This is an incredible lesson for me as a blogger just getting started. I talked about our need for approval in my I approve post. I think in the blogging world its more then just our need for approval, it’s also a desire to be heard. That’s why we do this right?? I’ve thought about it and have asked myself, self; how many followers and regular readers will you be satisfied with before you stop hitting the refresh button on the stats like a maniac?? Since I’ve only just stuck my big toe into the blogging waters I fear it will be a slow process for me. I am going to try to take your words to heart, and maybe just check the stats 10 times a day vs 10 million times a day… steps.

    Love what I’ve read so far! Consider me a loyal follower!!

    • Thanks for the positive feedback! I was really surprised by the pull of the stats for me. I think I can be pretty competitive sometimes and I started competing with myself. My meltdown was a good wake up call for me. I still feel the pull to check the stats, but I mostly resist that. I’m really enjoying the process of writing and I think that’s enough. Feedback like this definitely helps though too!
      Good luck on your blog and way to go for setting an attainable goal- 10 times versus 10 million! πŸ™‚

  8. Pingback: App of the week: WordPress and BlogPress « Twyste

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